39. After Half A Year

I’m currently in a state where I’m not excited by anything, can’t put myself to focus on anything, nor care about anything. Something that’ll ineluctably occur, I guess. After all it’s been quite a time since I arrived here. Half a year, wow. Felt like a week to me.

Oh God. I remembered the first time I got here I practically went all hyped with every-fucking-thing; I was crazy about strolling around Tokyo, planning every single silly details of how to spend my first year being in Japan with too stupidly ideal fun things, and could barely help myself from being extremely impatient to learn Japanese as fast as possible. I was like a primary schooler on her first day of school, all set with the full of anthusiasm sparkling eyes and everything.

Okay, let’s get back to my present self. Heh.

Now,I’d rather lock myself in my room for the whole weekend just to slack around and do nothing. I don’t have this “OMfuckingG I’m in Juaphooooaaannnn!” hype anymore and I’m currently trapped in a triangle love with my bed(1) and gadgets(2).
I’m getting lazier and lazier to do the Japanese classes’ homeworks. I’m still 100% into learning Japanese, but I just don’t see the point of getting all 100 points on every fucking single exam like some of the brats here. Bitch please, I never even got 90 in Indonesian subject—but I can assure you, my Indonesian is quite good. I’ve always loved EyD.

Well, I don’t mind becoming such neglectful anti-social person, though, as I’m happy with my current state.

What really concerns me is

The fact that I’m slowly becoming more aversive towards hardships.

I need somebody to teach me how not to indulge myself in my comfort zone to the extent that I may even stop trying hard on everything due to being too fucking self-content with stupid, trivial, easily replacable things, like…mainly things you can buy with money

And choose them over my 



Or even dream.